Right now is the minute for me.
I am reasonably comfortable.
This feels like a pretty nice minute.
Another will be along shortly.
Here it is now… And there it goes.
How lucky! Two good ones in a row.
Little packages of unrepeatable time.
I try to receive them well,
And simply let go when they are done.
Ha! Like there’s ever a choice.
* Artwork: Invisible Feeling by Shiori Matsumoto
When I was a young girl, I got decent grades… until I started drinking and getting high. After that, school was stupid. I couldn’t wait to be free, so I could do whatever I wanted.
Today, I am grateful for meetings, reading and service work. These simple activities help me feel like I’m dong my homework.
I enjoy being a good student! I guess I always did.
Come Summer, it’s easy to relapse.
There’s all these things going on… like weather, relationships and other excuses.
When I focus on something, I’m leading my mind in a specific direction, where life will be impacted by the decisions I make. Wow. What a trip.
But sometimes, I don’t realize I’m going the wrong way. And even if I do, my pride prevents me from stopping the vehicle. People, trees and buildings keep whizzing past, and I just continue on. I can get hopelessly lost before I know it.
Having God along for the ride is smart planning. Because even though I’m responsible for my future, not everything’s gonna proceed as outlined on the map. There will still be disappointments and bumps in the road. Weather conditions and potential car trouble.
God is the ideal companion. He is level-headed and knows exactly where I’m going. He takes up virtually no space. When I include Him in my thoughts and actions, the smallest things become more meaningful.
“Take a look at that sky,” he might suggest. “Isn’t it something?”
“Did you notice how pleasant that clerk in the gas station was?”
“Why don’t you let those kids cross the street first? We’re not in that big a hurry.”
My journey can be a beautiful experience. And there’s never a reason for me to travel alone.
* Artwork: Custom Steering Wheel by John Clemmer
I praise God with this life I live!
Everyday Me is the best gift I can give Him.
I don’t know anyone else that easy to shop for.
* Artwork by David Walker
Tying a load on helped me go somewhere else. It got me outside of my own thoughts and took me to a place where responsibility wasn’t a priority.
That’s not an option anymore. It’s crucial that I find ways to cope with those times when I have the urge to escape from whatever it is that’s got me feeling all squirrelly.
I can’t control the whole world. I share this place with lots of other people. I realize space is limited. It’s impossible to not be affected by a wide variety of attitudes and points of view.
When I am responsible, I give myself a chance to think more clearly about what’s going on. Recognizing this keeps me present and accountable. I can guide my own thoughts and behavior. Not everything has to be a reaction to what someone else has done.
Once I start worrying about what other folks say and do, I’m projecting into the future. If I feel sorry for myself because of something that’s already happened, I am stuck in the past.
It’s important that I try and focus on right now. I can deal with my emotions and push through those uncomfortable moments. I want to stay connected to myself and maximize my sense of calm. So I don’t get flustered and do something I’ll regret.
* Artwork by Diego Fernandez
I could have sworn the way I was living was life.
At times, that’s what made it so hard to get out. I didn’t know any better. I thought that’s all there was.
I keep my side of the street as clean as I can.
I sweep and sweep and sweep the floor beneath my rugs, as well. It can get pretty gross under there.
Sometimes, I find myself on your porch, tidying up after you and your shit. What am I even doing over here? I belong next door.
So I take my broom and go back home.
People don’t always do what I want them to do.
This is Earth, not Robot World. 🙂
* Artwork by Matt Dixon
As I continue to heal and grow in recovery, I’m understanding the difference between shadows and shade.
* Artwork: Love in the Shadows by Lauren Darrow